Blog
UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!! Coming soon...expected 09/01/08!
I am redoing the blog page and a making it a true blog complete with the ability to comment. For the moment, I will leave my old blogs up so that you can still read and link to them. Thanks for your patience in advance.
Welcome to my blog. This is my entertaining attempt to educate, inspire, and empower you at the same time. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!
~ 2+2=WTF?
~ Comments. Coming Soon!
~ A Brief Personal Statement.
~ I Was Eaten By An Elephant In A Past Life.
~ Pickle You, Cumquat!
~ Got Domestic Violence?
~ You're Gonna Get Scalped, Cowboy!
~ I Was Looking For Bodies Buried In The Desert!
2+2=WTF?
6/21/08
As I was sitting contemplating some of the great mysteries of life; unified field theory, quantum physics, and why some women don’t understand that spandex is a privilege – not a right – I noticed a Toyota Prius parking beside an H2 Hummer. As he got out of his car, the Prius owners head looked like it was going to swivel off its ungainly, probably vegan created, perch as he did his best to publicly display his disdain for the supposed ecologically unfriendly monstrosity.... (READ MORE)
Comments. Coming Soon!
6/12/08
Yes, I am well aware by the overwhelming number of responses that you have filled my inbox with that my BLOG is not a true blog, because you cannot post comments. Well, truth be told, I do 100% of all my web design work and the functions and features on my site are limited by my abilities & time. I just haven’t had the time to figure it out, but I promise that I will add this feature soon. Until then, if you would take the time to email me your comments, I would be more than happy to post them in the appropriate blog. And thanks for the HUGE amount of support and well-wishes that I receive…your opinions do matter. Here are some recent emails for your reading pleasure... (READ MORE)
A Brief Personal Statement.
6/10/08
I was just an ordinary guy who should have led your typical, John Doe life. After college graduation, I wholly expected to spend the rest of my life working as a corporate shill, living in my non-descript tract home, gently seeding and watering a 401K, raising my family, and spending my spare moments at either the coffee pot or water cooler swapping stories about my favorite television shows and benign weekend adventures. I fully expected my biggest worries to revolve around what type of lawnmower I should buy or how to fix the squeaky garage door or which sports my kids should play this summer. (READ MORE)
I Was Eaten By An Elephant In A Past Life.
5/26/08
Have you ever wondered what would have happened if you were unfortunate enough to have been born in almost ANY other time in history? You could have been born a slave to a Pharaoh in Egypt and spent your entire life hammering rocks with your fists to build another useless monument to the Great God of Sand and Ingrown Toenails. (READ MORE)
Pickle You, Cumquat!
5/15/08
You gotta love it. Bonnie & Clyde here were planning the heists of the century and they were actually thrilled about it. Whatever…I basically didn’t care as long as they didn’t heist my ice cold, refreshing beer. And after a few pints of liquid sanity, I started to chat with the two fiends for the next hour or so about Austin & whatever else came to mind. It was very pleasant and engaging...kinda like a fireside chat with Oprah. That was until...(READ MORE)
Got Domestic Violence?
5/04/08
Why does this shit always happen to me? I was enjoying a nice quiet Saturday afternoon visiting my grandmother when I heard a loud bang outside. Not wanting to dislodge my posterior from the uber-comfortable couch cushion that I had planted it in, I dismissed it as nothing more than a figment of my imagination. (READ MORE)
You're Gonna Get Scalped, Cowboy!
4/28/08
I was about to pee myself. Here I was quickly rambling off a bunch of stupid questions to a truck full of inconsiderate retards that parked in the middle of the pedestrian walk, outside a doorway, in front of a busy Wal-Mart, blocking both pedestrian & vehicular traffic in ALL DIRECTIONS! And all I could get out of him/them was a blank stare and an “UH.” Now I am sure that he could speak in multi-syllabic words, but I had him just as flabbergasted as the hundreds of people that had the unfortunate luck to encounter him. (READ MORE)
Ladies...Rub My Nipples, Please.
4/20/08
I was having difficulties with my newly opened Wells Fargo bank account and popped in to see what happened to my money and why my accounts were frozen. It didn’t seem like a big deal and I prefer to deal with these types of situations in person, relying on my charm and wit to get what I want. But after taking a seat in the cubicle of the first available customer service representative (Carlos) it was obvious by his – huffy, know it all attitude – that this was not gonna be a typical day. (READ MORE)
I Was Looking For Bodies Buried In The Desert!
4/15/08
JESUS…it was a beautiful day…66 degrees, a light breeze, and not a cloud in the sky. Heavenly! A perfect day to either put the top down and take my Jeep out to the desert or clean out the garage. Personally, I would rather spend a week in a line at the Dept of Motor Vehicles than clean out the garage, so the desert was an obvious choice. It’s quiet and I can think peacefully, plus…I like my Jeep the same way I enjoy my martinis and my women…dirty. (READ MORE)