Comments. Coming Soon!
6/12/08
Yes, I am well aware by the overwhelming number of responses that you have filled my inbox with that my BLOG is not a true blog, because you cannot post comments. Well, truth be told, I do 100% of all my web design work and the functions and features on my site are limited by my abilities & time. I just haven’t had the time to figure it out, but I promise that I will add this feature soon. Until then, if you would take the time to email me your comments, I would be more than happy to post them in the appropriate blog. And thanks for the HUGE amount of support and well-wishes that I receive…your opinions do matter.
Here are some recent emails for your reading pleasure:
------original message------
From: [anonymous]
Sent: Wednesday, May 28, 2008 11:51 PM
To: chrisheifner@gmail.com
Subject: Did you know?
Mr. Heifner,
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.
You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
Cordially,
Yo Mama
------original message------
From: chrisheifner@gmail.com
Sent: Thursady, May 29, 2008 9:03 AM
To: [anonymous]
Subject: Re: Did you know?
To Whom It May Concern:
Thanks for your input! I guess I will have to work on this…do you know where I can find a book that can help me overcome being a ‘staggering mutant dwarf’?
At any rate, please pick up a copy of my book when it comes out (hopefully soon).
Best,
CH
------original message------
From: [a lovely girl]
Sent: Monday, May 27, 2008 8:12 PM
To: chrisheifner@gmail.com
Subject: you are sooooooooooo hot
Sweetie, I just wanted to tell you that you are sooooooo H O T! Chile hot! Sidewalk in a summer hot! Hot Pocket hot! Pleezzzzzzzze post more pics of yourself. If you are ever in Chicago look me up and maybe we can set the town on fire!
********
[As I nonchalantly brush my eyebrows] While I do not condone arson, I do know that Hot Pockets come out of the microwave nuclear hot, so I guess that’s a good thing. I didn’t respond to this email, but ‘Thank You’ for the compliment and it would have been nice if you included pics of yourself in your email!
------original message------
From: [anonymous]
Sent: Sunday, June 8, 2008 7:07 PM
To: chrisheifner@gmail.com
Subject: WOW!
Chris,
I happened to stumble across your Bluff article on a flight back from Vegas and I wanted to tell you how impressed I am with your story. I am glad to see that you have turned a dire situation – to say the least – into an inspiring story. Good luck on your future endeavors.
********
Its emails like these that give me the ‘juice’ to do what I do. The psychic income I receive from motivating and helping people far exceeds anything financial. Thanks for your support.
------original message------
From: lbemary@aol.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 11, 2008 9:40 AM
To: chrisheifner@gmail.com
Subject: Earn Multiple Streams of Income as a Health Coach
Dear chris,
One of the true joys in life is to earn money doing something you're passionate about that also makes a great contribution in the lives of others.
If you're passionate about health (yours --- as well as other people's) AND you'd like to earn money helping others with their health, then you'll want to read further.
********
No, I didn’t want to read further. Thanks for the spam. Between the work-from-home business opportunities and all of the erectile dysfunction solutions, I wonder if there will ever be a reason to leave the house. Jezzusss!
At any rate, that’s just a few of the emails that I have received recently, but I would love to have your comments on my pseudo-blog. Lemme know what you think…anything, everything, and everyone is welcome to give their input, both good and bad. Bring it on, if you dare!