I Was Eaten By An Elephant In A Past Life.
5/26/08
Memorial Day, a day that commemorates U.S. men and women who perished while in military service to our country. A day where we usually spend time with the family, grilling cheap hotdogs & greasy hamburgers, while enjoying our favorite outdoor activities such as, throw momma in the pool! A day of leisure and a welcome respite from the grind of our daily lives. But has anyone ever really taken this day to wonder what could have been?
Have you ever wondered what would have happened if you were unfortunate enough to have been born in almost ANY other time in history? You could have been born a slave to a Pharaoh in Egypt and spent your entire life hammering rocks with your fists to build another useless monument to the Great God of Sand and Ingrown Toenails. You could have lived in ancient Rome, where men, women, and children were used by aristocratic families as everything from house keepers to sex slaves. Imagine if you had been a caveman and spent your days eating dirt and berries while running from hungry, big ass animals since you were still a few rungs down on the food chain. Sure, we could have been born into Nobility during the Middle Ages, better known as the Dark Ages, where personal hygiene and modern medicine was about as advanced as a game of Pull My Finger…despite our Royal status.
Now I don’t know about you, but I thoroughly enjoy air-conditioning and hot running water. I love the convenience of modern toilets and fast food. I truly love my HD TV and the ability to travel long distances in a few hours. Personally, I would rather be an average Joe in modern America than have been King Hammurabi. Come to think about it, I would rather be an average Joe in modern America than an average Joe just about anywhere else in the world TODAY!
In the Middle East, they still practice female circumcision, where certain parts of the female anatomy are mutilated so that they will never enjoy sex. In the Middle East, a man can have his wife brutally punished for adultery if she is caught in the presence of another man that is not family. A woman can also be either whipped or caned if she is raped and in some countries like India, the family will murder the woman to save her honor after a rape. In China, female babies are often left to die immediately after birth, because families can usually only have one kid and a boy is often desired. Imagine being a born to a rural tribe today in the Amazon Rain Forest or picture a life of poverty & starvation in Africa, while watching Sally Struthers waddle her fat ass around your village. Screw all of that…
Ok, so what in world does this have to do with Memorial Day? Well, for me, it’s all about being thankful and I just happen to get melancholy like this during every major holiday; Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Krispy Kreme Donuts Day (I am allowed to have my own special holiday, so shut up). I am thankful for having the opportunity to be more than a Pterodactyl snack. I am thankful that I don’t have to ride a stinky horse to work or get bled with leeches everytime I get a fever. I am thankful that my daughters will lead a better life than billions of unfortunate women ruled by religious tyranny. But in all seriousness, I am thankful that despite our problems and our differences that I have been fortunate enough to live in this great country of ours. And I am thankful that there are those brave enough to give both their time & lives to serve this great country of ours and to defend this way of life. With that, I salute both the servicemen and women of our country! You are appreciated…